My fingers have never graced the pages of a REAL Sports Illustrated magazine. However, I’m quite familiar with the swimsuit edition (is that odd?).
So, go with what you know:
AGE: 30
BORN:
Cincinnati, Ohio
DISCOVERED:
I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar… (okay, that never happened. But it’s a cool story)
HAPPINESS IS…
Me on the water, in a bikini, reading fiction, with a fully-charged iPhone in one hand and a coffee (or other libation, depending on the time of day) in the other.
IN ALL HONESTY, IS MODELING REALLY THAT HARD?
See ‘HAPPINESS’ above. If you want to pay me to roll around in the sand as well, then no. Not hard. Make the check out to Jess Hoffman.
HOW MUCH ATTENTION DO YOU PAY TO NUTRITION AND EXERCISE, OR IS IT ALL NATURAL?
Ha! See ‘AGE” above. I wakeboard 10 times a day on the summer weekends, run several miles four days a week, and practice pilates daily. All this keeps me skinny so, yeah, as of now, I eat what I want.
WHAT, IF ANY, ARE YOUR ATHLETIC ACHIEVEMENTS?
I’m a second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do and my hands a feet are registered as lethal weapons, so I could probably kick your a$$. Does that count? (More impressive, I also once scored 270 on Wii Bowling).
AT WHAT POINT IN YOUR CAREER DO YOU KNOW YOU’VE MADE IT?
When I get close to that point, I’ll let you know.
WHAT ATTRACTS YOU TO A MAN?
Hair. Lots of dark, thick hair. Bald is fine too as long as his face is covered. After that, he has to be smarter than me (not a difficult feat). I always try to trip men up so the big hairy guys that can out clever me are hot.
DO REAL GUS HAVE A SHOT?
Only one. So I married him.
WHAT YOU WANTED TO BE AT AGE 10?
A news anchor. But my idol news anchor slept with her co-anchor and ran her car into a telephone pole while trying to out-drive the co-anchor’s wife. That kind of ruined it for me.
WHAT MEAL DO YOU MISS FROM HOME?
I literally grew up at Bob Evans. When I want a taste of home, I pick up chicken and noodle casserole from Bob Evan’s Carry Out.
ACTOR YOU WANT TO KNOW?
Edward Norton a la ‘25th Hour’. Big, hairy, quick witted, and insanely intelligent.
FIRST ALBUM YOU BOUGHT?
Violent Femmes. Wouldn’t have made it through my teenage angst without it.
FIRST CONCERT YOU ATTENDED?
New Kids on the Block circa 1991. (Shut it.)
[Tags] words pilates wakeboarding coffee
